原来如此…

一生

下半生，陪在身边的人会是谁呢？

2012年1月25日

早上9点，睡醒，空荡荡的心，却也感觉有点被捏住的痛。坐在地上，望着天台外的好天气，根本就提不起精神。我清楚，其实心并不空，只是不得不放空。今天不能联络了。无奈。不敢想了，拿了香烟，下客厅，点燃一根，看电视。一根接一根的，也不知道自己看了些什么。

中午12点，好像要胃痛了。找了国林一起去吃东西。医好肚子后，不想回家呆，就和国林一起逛街。逛了 leisure mall 和 mid-valley，本想买羽球拍和新鞋，但最终却空手而回。

下午4点半，回到家了。回房对着电脑，想开617写写东西，头脑却空空的。过后躺在床上，睡着了。

晚上7点，睡醒了，看看天台外，天空还有少许微弱的光，街灯亮了，感觉很寂寞。点燃一根香烟，一个人对着天发呆。心想着，真的好想结婚了。

晚上8点，收拾了要洗的衣服，回妈妈家吃饭去。回到妈妈家，把脏衣服放到洗衣机那去，奶妈突然从厨房走进来，拿起她包扎着的右手给我看，对我说：“kai yik, 我跌到我的右手了，很痛，不知道胫有没有断。我突然一晕就跌下去了。” 我看着她，右手包得肿肿的，像小孩子般对我诉说着她的手很痛。心里很伤心，关心的问她事情的经过。以前一个看顾着我长大的大人，现在，反过来像小孩子般想要我的呵护和关心。慰问后很想冒傻的逗她开心，但却做不出来，少了一个人。我清楚我自己，一个人的我，对着家人时是很静很严肃的，傻不了。

“Ally呢，她几时过来？”
“她不得空，她明天去怡保，下星期才回。”
“不用紧，我没这么快回，还会留多一阵子。你明天和她一起去怡保啊。”
“没… 她自己去。”
“哦，你没有和她一起去啊？”
“没有…”
“那等她回来再叫她过来玩啦。”
“嗯… 好的…”

一个人坐在饭桌吃饭… 眼蒙蒙…

晚上9点，吃完饭回自己家，点燃一根，看电视。

晚上11点半，大家来聚赌了。

半夜2点，100块筹码，输一块。大家回了。

半夜4点半，开始写日记。

早上6点，写完。上午新买的香烟，竟然完了。睡觉。

黄昏时分

Jan25

好想和你去公园散步…

Fix You

Jan25

Fix You

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I…

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I…

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Sorry…

Jan24

I am so sorry. My anger had make you feel bad. I angry because I wish to get your notice and care for me a bit. Actually i feel very lonely these days. I have lost you, I am scare now I am losing your love and care. Sometimes i wish to find someone to talk to. Someone to care for me. But nobody i can talk to now, and nobody really cares.

Every call to you, I feel scare. I scare you ignore me, I scare you feel disturbing, I scare you won’t call back even you received my missed call. Because I am not your boyfriend now, it seems like I am not important to you anymore.

Please forgive me.

Took so long just to feel alright..

Jan20

The world is a big place…

Jan17

The world is a big place. Getting lost seems so easy. To find your own way, it’s simple. Go find what makes you happy. Time flies by so quickly, don’t waste it on nonsense. And no matter where you end up, never forget where you came from.